relationship, not holiness

This week, I've been thinking about the Christian life. Its a freaking mess. Society tells us that we have to be successful in our career, field, or profession, and that success looks like making yourself look good. That idea is in our churches too, this quest for success in the Christian life. And what does that success look like? Becoming holy, changed people who give huge portions of their life away, people who always offer an encouraging word, people who lead others in vibrant prayer, people who even confess their need for Jesus and call themselves sinners. Right?

To be honest, I am a person who thinks God wants me to be holy. And being holy is checking all those things off the above list, along with a few more additions, several commandments, and a smily countenance.
The thing is, God does want us to be holy. Yep.
But that is not our freaking purpose!! That is not what life is all about!! Holiness is only necessary to allow us to be in the presence of God. God's ultimate end is relationship with us. That's the main reason Jesus came, to sum it up. To make a way for us to be with God, in relationship now, and after we die, to infinity and beyond.

So, sin and the commandments, looking good in church, being a good christian or leader, all that shit. Its not about us making these awesome reputations, building our own personal kingdoms. Those end up sucking anyway. Today I was wondering why I had so little joy. Its because I'm so sad my little kingdom sucks, my reputation and character, are not amazing. But thats because I don't let Jesus own me completely.

His kingdom is running pretty great, and I could be so happy if I truly believed he loved me, and if my life goals were centered around His kingdom, not mine.

The Wind Has No Friends

The truth is, I have a lot of friends. No really. I do. Check my facebook profile. Hundreds of people call me their friend and a good number of those communicate with me frequently. I also have friends on myspace and bebo. I have many associates on Linkedin, and even an acquaintance or two from craigslist. I have 3740 unread messages in my gmail inbox, many of which are important people. Seriously. I just don't have the time to reply to every single person asking me to do their surveys.

I did a social experiment in high school where I just dropped myself off the face of the earth. I stopped talking with and interacting with everyone I called my friend. I did it to see if I would be missed should I dissapear. I wanted to know if the people I made sacrifices for would go out of their way to care for me. That could've been a disaster, but fortunately a few people proved true and loyal.

Sometimes I am the wind. I look back at the people and places I've breezed by. So many are now in the background. And sometimes I think that I will never have (and keep) true friends. I have no idea what that really means. I am continually reminded of people's real and deep love for me.

I am not a morbid or depressed person but I still have really sad thoughts.

If it wasn't for God always being there, I'd be in a lot of lonely pain.

Well, have a great day =)